i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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