Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm bleeding and have questions
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
