I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
