There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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