forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
