I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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