Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
