I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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