Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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