I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
