At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
