Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
