I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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