She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
