I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
two words: eviction party
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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