Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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