she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
