the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
