I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
