you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
