You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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