everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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