in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
