I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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