I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
