forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize