We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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