I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
