She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
