Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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