If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
