Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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