Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
