I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I enjoy the company of your penis
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
