I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
