it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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