I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
