when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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