Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
