One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
