Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
