and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
