i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
