Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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