You smell like stripper and shame
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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