And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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