and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
