I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
