you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
