I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
