I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
