Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
