I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
