I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
