i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
