Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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