did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
