My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
