may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
