is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
