ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
