he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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