I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
