Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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