Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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