You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
