So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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