is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize