don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
