Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
