he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
