Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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