Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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