Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
