I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
