I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
